


No Homo

by PBJellie



Series: South Park Kink Meme Requests [13]
Category: South Park
Genre: Hand Jobs, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, No Homo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 03:32:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14926311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PBJellie/pseuds/PBJellie
Summary: It's totally not gay, if wieners don't touch.Written for the South Park Kink Meme





	No Homo

**Author's Note:**

> The request: 
> 
> Randy and Gerald fucking behind their wives backs desperately trying to “no homo” the whole situation despite how much they are CLEARLY enjoying it

“Is it gay if you use a condom?” Randy asked, tipping back his wine glass and draining the dregs. Dark red paste coated his teeth. Lazily, he swiped his tongue across his gums, smiling at Gerald. 

“What are you on again, Randy?” Gerald asked, eyes squinted as he poured a refill for his glass, and topped off Randy, for good measure. Wine was needed to get through a Stotch party. Stotch parties were notoriously dry. 

Dry, but with plenty of alcohol. Little graces.

Well there was the hot tub too. So maybe they weren’t dry. 

“Seriously, though,” Randy started, grabbing for his glass. “I read that the condom acts like a shield for the gayness. I talked with the Chinese, you know.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Gerald placed his glass outside of the tub, “I don’t have any condoms though. I had the operation. You remember. Sheila lets me raw her all the time, man.” 

“If there’s not any live semen, is it gay?” Randy was already halfway through this new glass of wine. These were important questions, for science. 

“I think it’s gay if you put anything up your butt,” Gerald shrugged. 

“No, Sharron pegs me sometimes, it’s real nice.” 

“I’d never let Sheila,” Gerald snorted. “She’d be too heavy handed.” 

“Well, I’d do it for you. It’s not a gay thing, you know. Straight men enjoy prostate stimulation. I’d be gentle. I’m like a gentle giant.” Randy had sucked the glass dry, yet again. This time, instead of grabbing for more wine, he scooted closer to Gerald. He wrapped a hand around Gerald’s shoulder. Slowly, it slid towards his nipple. “Men enjoy nipple stimulation too. It’s not gay. This isn’t gay.” 

“You sure?” Gerald didn’t push him away. 

“Yeah, Japan picks who they pick. Did you get any notice from Japan?” Randy kept pulling on his nipple. “You have to tell me if they sent you something. It’s the bro code.” 

“I’d never break the bro code,” Gerald moaned, leaning into Randy’s touches. “Never.” In reality, Gerald had broken the bro code many, many times. Randy didn’t know he photo-shopped a dick in his mouth, which was certainly against the code. There were lots of things Randy didn’t know.

“So we’re not gay, this is fine. If we’re not gay, then this isn’t gay,” Randy said as the water bubbled around them. Randy let his hand wander South, timidly touching Gerald’s crotch. “It’s not even like cheating, anyways. It’s just some healthy male bonding.” 

“Yeah, male bonding. Men are allowed to have close friends, too,” Gerald nodded. “This is so not gay.” 

“Yeah,” Randy agreed, circling his hand around Gerald’s dick. “So not gay. We’re so straight that we can touch each other’s dicks without issue.”

“Comfortable in our masculinity. Masculinity,” he took a break to moan, bucking into Randy’s hand, “masculinity,” he regained composure, “doesn’t have to be so toxic.”

“You’re so right,” Randy scooted nearer to him, quickening his pumps. “I bet our wives are inside, looking at the Stotch’s pictures from the Grand Canyon.” 

“Yeah,” Gerald laughed. “How boring.” 

“That’s certainly gayer than this. This is so not gay.” Randy guided Gerald’s hand towards his own erect penis. Gerald was not as good with his hands as Randy was, or at least Randy didn’t think so. He wasn’t going to complain. 

“So not gay,” Gerald panted, wiggling in the water. “I’m close, not that it’s gay to be close.” 

“Nah, it’s not gay,” Randy pumped his hand quicker, watching as Gerald slammed his eyes shut, semen spreading into the water. “This isn’t gay. No homo.” 

“It’s not. I’m not even touching your dick anymore,” Gerald grinned, eyes closing into slits. He climbed out of the water, Randy still hard, and went in to find his wife.

“Motherfucker,” Randy hissed, quickly pumping his own penis. He came within a few seconds, and followed him inside. 

At least he’d be relaxed to look at a hundred pictures of their shitty kid in front of a bunch of rocks.


End file.
